Mr and Mrs Uzumaki
by InfestedNova
Summary: This is the beginning of an experiment to rewrite the famous movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" into a kind of drama. It is a test because I want to see if the story and the way I doing it is desired at all. Plus getting better in english is a positive side effect. Help is appreciated. femSasuke! (Satsuki) I do not own anything of this story.
1. Mr and Mrs Uzumaki

**Mr. and Mrs. Uzumaki**

_In a tall building in the middle of downtown Konohagakure Kakashi looks out onto the streets. In one hand he holds a pen, which he moved gently. With the other hand he takes the dossier of his next patients from his desk. A fleeting and almost bored glance wanders over the papers. He makes a half turn around his axis and strolls out of the office. On his way to the consulting room he takes a cup of coffee from his intern when he walks past her. With a unremarkable nod he thanks her and takes immediately a sip of the hot pot. The sun began to hide behind the skyscrapers of the city and even Kakashi, who was on his feet all day feels how the exhaustion takes a hold of him. _

_Slowly and warily he opens the door to the consulting room. Maybe he can overhear a conversation between his quests. But Kakashi cant hear anything not even a sound. As a few seconds long he couldn't hear a sound through the door crack, he decides to walk in. Now he looks in the faces of two young people in her mid thirties. Maybe. The man is tall and has blond hair. He smiles kindly at Kakashi and tugs nervously at his clothes. Though Kakashi noticed a wild and mischievous glint in the eyes of the blond. His wife is also a tall woman, not as tall as he or Kakashi but still above average. She has long black hair, which is slightly curled and lies over her left shoulder. Unlike her husband she examines Kakashi distantly from the corner of her eyes, as he enters the room. Her deep dark eyes mirrors high expectations, not only on him but also on herself. With a warm smile and a firm handshake Kakashi welcomes his guests. Then he takes place on his leather armchair and sits across from them._

**KAKASHI: **Good evening Mrs. and Mr. Uzumaki. My Name is Kakashi Hatake. What is the reason that has led us here together today ?

**NARUTO **_played smile_**: **First of all I want to say, that we don't really need to be here.

**KAKASHI: **Why are you both here anyway?

**SATSUKI: **We have a theory . . .

**NARUTO **_puzzled to Satsuki_**: **Have we?

**SATSUKI: **The check-up.

**NARUTO **_back to Kakashi_**: **Right the check-up. See, like a car. Since we have been married for five years . . .

**SATSUKI **_interrupts_**: **Six . . .

_Silence . . . _

**NARUTO: **Yes. Since we have been married for five, six years we want to let us check. Pop the hood, nose around, change the oil, maybe replace a seal or two.

**KAKASHI **_amused_**: **Well, then lets open the bonnet.

_The mood relaxes after the first acquaintance. In the faces of Naruto and Satsuki, Kakashi can now see two soft smiles. Tense but still two smiling faces. During the speech of Naruto about that both of them didn't really need any help, Kakashi already takes notes of eye-catching behaviours. To stop Naruto, he raises his hand slightly. As the blonde looks attentively at Kakashi, he takes a sip of his coffee. Kakashi feels two curious pairs of eyes resting on him as he returns the pot to the table next to him. When he turns back to the two they immediately start smiling again. _

**KAKASHI: **Now then, how would you two assess your situation? Let's say on a scale of one to ten. How happy are you?

**SATSUKI **_unhesitatingly_**: **Eight.

_Naruto looks back and forth between Satsuki and Kakashi._

**NARUTO: **Moment! So like ten being super happy and one being . . . totally miserable?

**KAKASHI **_smiling__**: **_Just answer instinctively.

_Naruto looks to Satsuki, who doesn't take her gaze from Kakashi._

**NARUTO **_quietly_**: **Ok. Are you ready?

**SATSUKI: **Ready.

**NARUTO AND SATSUKI **_together_**:** Eight.

_Kakashi notices how question by question Satsuki is getting more and more self confident. But her beautiful dark eyes always resting on him and her posture stays stiff. Since the beginning of the meeting she didn't look at her husband, though he always asking her in each question from Kakashi, to be sure he says the right thing. His cerulean eyes roam constantly through the room. He seems to feel uneasy, because he constantly changes his sitting position and plays restless with his fingers on the arm-rest of his armchair. Kakashi has some questions on his mind, but he decides to ask the most important first._

**KAKASHI: **How often do you have sex?

_Narutos and Satsukis faces are frozen._

_Silence . . ._

**SATSUKI **_stammering_**: **I don't understand the question.

**NARUTO: **Wait, I am out. Is this a one to ten thing?

**SATSUKI **_continues_**:** Right. I mean if so, is one equal with `not often´ or is one more like `never´? Because to be accurate zero should be `never´.

**NARUTO: **Exactly! Besides, if we don't know what one is, what's ten?

**SATSUKI **_blushes_**: **Right . . . is ten . . . you know . . .

**NARUTO **_grinning_**: **Permanent and adamant.

**SATSUKI: **Twenty-four seven without a break. Not for anything.

**NARUTO: **Not even to eat or a little bowl of ramen. _to Satsuki _Just like Jiraiya, when he works on one of his books and makes some inquiries.

**SATSUKI: **Yes. His grandpa has no day job. No one else can waste hours doing nonsense like he does.

**KAKASHI **_soothingly_**: **Don't worry. This is not a one to ten scenario. It is a normal and straight question. How often do you have sex?

_Kakashi looks again in two frozen faces and he can't hide a smirk. Both seem to hang on the question. After a few moments have passed and neither Naruto nor Satsuki has awakened from their deep sleep, Kakashi tries to rephrase his question._

**KAKASHI** _sighing_**: **Well, how often this week?

_Silence . . ._

**NARUTO: **Including weekend?

_A nod. Two sighs._

**KAKASHI** _conforming_**: **Then we continue otherwise. Tell me how you first met, please.

**SATSUKI** _with old self confidence_**:** It was in Mizu no Kuni.

**NARUTO **_nodding_**: **Kirigakure. Five years ago.

**SATSUKI** _looks at Naruto_**:** Six.

**NARUTO** _to Kakashi_**:** Right. Five, six years ago.


	2. Five or six years ago

_Five or six years ago . . ._

_It is a sultry day in Kirigakure. Naruto lying on a bed in a hotel room and looks bored at the white ceiling. Beside him is a small fan, which makes the unpleasant heat somewhat bearable. Although Kirigakure is a rainy village, there has been no rain since Naruto's arrival. Suddenly the alarm clock of his phone starts to ring._

_Slowly Naruto awakes from his lethargy and rises from the bed. He takes his pocket from the dresser and leaves the room. _

_On his way down the stairs he takes a pair of sunglasses out of his shirt pocket and puts them on. Quickly he misses the lukewarm breeze of the fan and rolls up the clammy sleeves of his white button-down shirt. _

_At the hotel bar are many quest. Most of them probably tourists, Naruto supposes. His way leads straight to the counter and his gaze fixed the barkeeper, who just takes the coins from the bar and recounts._

**NARUTO: **An unpleasing weather out there. I wish it would rain soon, so the tropical weather passes.

**BARMAN**_ without looking up_**: **Actually, it is raining half of the year here. You should be happy as a tourist, that you don't have to spend your holidays in the hotel room.

**NARUTO: **Probably you're right. Still I could use a cold drink to withstand the heat.

**BARMAN **_with a grin_**: **You've come to the right place, sir. What can I get you to drink?

**NARUTO**_ hesitatingly_**: **I think . . . For starters a Mojito.

_The man nods at Naruto and starts to cut a lime and mint for the drink. Naruto is leaning on the counter._

**NARUTO** casually**: **Frankly, I am surprised that the bar here in the hotel is rather well visited. I mean - outside is teeming with pubs and dive bars, which surely also have a working air conditioner.

**BARMAN **_unimpressed_**: **I suppose you are really not from around.

**NARUTO: **That's right. Why?

**BARMAN: **First of all, I make the best drinks throughout Mizu no Kuni. Secondly, most of the guests are not tourists but followers of Kuro, so locals.

_Now Naruto gets his Mojito with lime, mint, sugar cane and a straw. With a shine in his eyes he looks the drink over._

**NARUTO: **Kuro?

**BARMAN **_quietly_**: **Raiga Kurosuki. Some people call him Barracuda. Money, power and death is his game and unfortunately he is very good at it. _hardly understandable _In my opinion, this guy only brings misfortune upon our village.

**NARUTO: **I am sorry, doesn't rings a bell. Why has he so many supporters when he is playing such a dangerous game?

**BARMAN: **The residents of Kirigakure are split whether he is a blessing or a curse for the village. But if you ask someone, who is the most powerful man in the village, they all will say the same - Barracuda.

**NARUTO: **Is he so influential?

**BARMAN **_with a nod_**: **Maybe you will meet him shortly. He should show up today to meet with his middlemen.

**NARUTO **_puzzled_**: **Is it not dangerous for him, if everyone knows when and where he meets regularly?

**BARMAN: **Nobody and I mean nobody touches the Barracuda in his own village. Not even his worst enemies think about it.

_With a soft chuckle Naruto takes his Mojito and sips at the glass. An appreciative nod and he postpones the glass on the counter. The man had not lied he makes the best drinks, at least Mojitos. To be honest the Mojito is too good._

_Both grin at each other. _

_Suddenly Naruto being jostled by a stranger, who doesn't stop in his tracks and goes straight behind the bar to the barman. Naruto doesn't understand a word of the conversation between these two men but the barman looks shaken._

_A loud bang._

_The bar and lounge are raided by policemen with guns in their hands._

**NARUTO: **What's happening?

**BARMAN **_serious_**: **Somebody killed the Barracuda.

**NARUTO**_ appalled_**: **Raiga Kurosuki?

**BARMAN **_in a whisper_**: **The police rounding up single tourists. Are you alone sir?

_Before Naruto can reply he notices a woman at the entrance of the hotel, who is being annoyed by two policemen. _

_Her long raven hair form a contrast with her airy white dress. With a graceful body language she outclasses everyone near her. Narutos deep blue eyes meet her dark ones. Only with much self-control and of course because the police make a lot of noise, Naruto can break away from her bewitching eyes. Just in time before it could devour him. He made his way briskly towards the three strangers and grabs the delicate wrist of the woman. _

**NARUTO: **It's okay she belongs to me.

**POLICEMAN **_warily_**: **You two together?

**NARUTO: **Yeah we just drunk something. _looks at the barman. _The friendly man behind the counter can testify it.

_After some hesitation the barman nods and points at the glasses in front of him. The policemen apologize and let Naruto and the woman go. _

_Naruto leads the strange woman to his hotel room, but not without leaving a generous tip there for the barman. _

_Once in the room Naruto closes the door and leans his ear against it. _

**NARUTO: **Raiga Kurosuki ran this village for years. Probably they'll call it a vendetta although the ANBU is been trying to angle the barracuda out of the water for quite a while.

**SATSUKI **_astonished_**: **And how do you know all this?

**NARUTO **_calm_**: **I read a lot.

_Both are smiling at each other._

**NARUTO: **I am Naruto.

**SATSUKI: **My name is Satsuki.

. . .

_In the evening in front of a pub._

_Some guests together with Naruto and Satsuki sitting outdoors. The night has fallen and two chains of lights plus the live music ensures a cosy atmosphere._

_On the table of Naruto and Satsuki are two glasses and a bottle of Tequila._

**SATSUKI:** I feared they will take me with them. I had luck because you were there to save me.

**NARUTO **_smiling_**: **Oh no believe me. I am the lucky one.

_Without breaking the eye contact Naruto pours Tequila in their glasses._

**NARUTO: **If the police don't stop waving around their guns, we have to drink to dodging bullets.

**SATSUKI: **Now then to dodging bullets!

_Naruto laughs and raises his glass. Satsuki does the same. _

**NARUTO: **To dodging bullets . . .

_Both drink their glasses at a gulp. Satsuki gets up from her chair and puts a hand on Naruto's shoulder. She bends down to him, with the result that her shapely lips almost touch Naruto's ear._

**SATSUKI **_teasingly_**: **Did you also read how to dance?

_Slowly she rises again. When she goes to the dance floor, she lets her hands wander over his neck and shoulders. With a broad smile Naruto looks at her. She turns to him and beckons him to her with a seductive smile on her lips._

_Naruto sighed but after that he stands up and follows her to the dance floor._

_Satsuki is dancing delightful to the slow rhythm of the music, while Naruto stands somewhat clumsily behind her and moving just slightly to the music._

_The bright moon is shining down on them._

_She leads his hands over her flat stomach and then to her feminine hips where his hands remain. Satsuki clings to Naruto, who spreads steamy kisses on her neck and shoulders. Now his hands moving again over her attractive body._

**NARUTO **_whispery_**: **I can feel your heart racing.

**SATSUKI: **I don't want it to slow down.

_He turns her towards him and strokes gently through her long black hair._

**NARUTO: **Stick with me and it's not gonna.

**SATSUKI: **Promise?

**NARUTO **_leans toward her_**: **Promise.

_Hesitant their lips come closer to each other. Their eyes inseparable. Both feeling the breath of the other one on the lips. _

_A flash._

_A tender kiss. _

_Naruto cups her face lovingly in both of his hands._

_Followed by a downpour a crashing thunder. _

_The kiss between Naruto and Satsuki is getting more and more passionate. They are both very drenched from the sudden rain. The band's music falls silent and everyone flees into the pub. Only Naruto and Satsuki stand stonily in the pouring rain. Their lips still locked. Finally the chains of lights start to fail and everything becomes dark. Eventually they release each other panting._

_With a mischievous smile on Narutos lips he takes Satsuki by the hand and runs through the rain back to the hotel. The streets and the dry ground are flooded by the rain and huge puddles begin to form. Arrived at the hotel they both rushing to get to their room to spend one thrilling night together. _

_. . ._

_Satsuki wakes up the next morning on a wide bed - alone. _

_Her lovely body just wrapped in a thin white blanket. The man from last evening as well as the lover from the last night are disappeared. The room feels cold and empty and a feeling of regret begin to take root in Satsuki's heart. _

_Suddenly the room door falls loudly into the lock - Naruto._

_In his hands he's holding a meal tray with breakfast and a newspaper. Carelessly he throws the newspaper onto the big bed but he carefully puts the tray down in front of Satsuki._

**NARUTO **_soft_**: **Good morning strange woman.

**SATSUKI **_cheerful_**: **Good morning stranger.

_Naruto opens the balcony and the strong wind gets caught up in the white curtains._

_With a cup in his hand he leans against the balcony window and looks out._

_Satsuki looks at the tray. Bread, fruits, vegetables as well as cold cuts and honey are on the tray, also a glass of milk. Timidly she takes a sip of the milk, that tastes incredibly good._

**SATSUKI **_after a short moan_**: **The milk is good.

**NARUTO **_smirking_**: **I hope so. I had to milk a goat to get it.

_Satsuki takes the newspaper. When she opens the newspaper a white blossom falls out of it onto the bed. With a sincere smile she tucks the blossom into her ruffled hair. Then she raises from the bed and goes over to Naruto. Both of them smile ambiguously as they look at one another._

_The morning sun is shining on their faces._

_Naruto admires the woman in front of him. Even if she is just woken, Satsuki has not lost any of her grace and beauty. _

_Satsuki gives him a seductive look and reminds him of last night, her pale and smooth skin along with the feeling of her gorgeous curved body, which trembled with lust underneath is hands. Thoughtlessly he drops his cup on the floor, where it shatters with a loud clink. With a wide grin he takes Satsuki by the hands and pulls her closer to him. He fiddles with the blossom in her hair before he presses his lips on her._


	3. Among men

_In the centre of Konohagakure is a small boxing club. Unlike to the many new and tall buildings around it, it acts unobtrusive and shabby. Directly opposite the boxing hall is a small diner called Ichiraku's. The eponymous owner is just preparing ramen, as the small bell placed above the door frame began to ring, because of the old wooden door, that opened just at the moment._

_The aged man looks up from his noodle dough and a soft smile appears on his lips. __Punctual as always, his best and most loyal customer comes through the door along with a huge sports bag and a cheerful grin on his lips.__ Ichiraku indicates on a stool in front of him at the counter._

_Sluggish Naruto drops his bag onto the stool to his right, then he claps his hands together to greet Ichiraku with a nod. _

**ICHIRAKU: **Good morning Mister Uzumaki, it's always a pleasure to welcome you.

**NARUTO:** I bet. It seems like I'm the only one, who keeps your diner alive.

**ICHIRAKU: **Your may get old and grey, but not cheeky.

**NARUTO **_smiling_**:** Forgive me. I don't even know what to do without your specialities.

**ICHIRAKU **_sarcastically_**: **Starve . . .

_Naruto looks baffled at the older man, whose black hair is tinged with grey. As Ichiraku begins to laugh, Naruto joins in the laughing. Without waiting for the order of Naruto, Ichiraku begins to prepare a bowl of miso ramen. While Naruto babbles about many trivial stuff, Ichiraku cuts the garlics into identical cubes and the onions into fine rings. At the same time boils the chicken bouillon. Every now and then Ichiraku looks up to the young man and remembers of their first encounter. At that time the wretch of a boy was incredibly noisy and restless, because it passed barely a minute without Naruto jumping and yelling around. Fortunately, Ichiraku had at that time a small wagon with which he sold his food, so Naruto could not destroy anything. _

_Now there is a man sitting in front of Ichiraku. A man who have both feet on the ground and philosophize about love. Eventually Ichiraku carefully garnishes the bowl of ramen with nori, menma and mung beans. _

**ICHIRAKU: **Here, I have made an extra big bowl for you. You'll need the energy, because you have to know, that women are very exhausting.

**NARUTO: **You're simply the best Ichiraku. - _a moment's silence - _After her, of course.

_A ring at the door again._

**KIBA: **Yo, Naruto! Didn't you say, that you wanted to train earlier today?

**NARUTO **_loud slurping_**: **Yup.

**KIBA **_loud_**: **Why are you sitting here then, comfortably slurping noodles?

**NARUTO **_coolly_**:** It's your fault. I was waiting for you but you were to late.

**KIBA**_ louder_**:** Two minutes, Naruto. I had to walk with Akamaru.

_Naruto indifferent shrugs his shoulders. Kiba was dumbfounded and takes a seat right next to Naruto. Unlike Naruto Kiba ordered just a cup of coffee and with a nod Ichiraku disappeared into the back room to brew coffee for Kiba and himself. _

_Before Kiba knew it, Naruto had swallowed his bowl of ramen and now pushes him in return to hurry. Nevertheless, Kiba replied the blonde only with a snort and drank the rest of his coffee calmly, before the two of them head off to the gym on the opposite side of the street._

_. . ._

_While Kiba stands outside of the ring and gives instructions to Naruto cockily, the blond finds himself to be in the middle of the ring only wearing a grey shirt, black shorts, shoes and grappling gloves. Facing him is a bear in human form, sweating heavily and snorting loudly._

**KIBA: **Why did you brought me here today so early in the morning? I need my beauty rest you know?

**Naruto** _panting_**: **I meet Satsuki for a candle-light dinner afterwards.

**KIBA: **Boy, oh boy! You in a suit and lock, stock and barrel?

_A heavy blow in Naruto's face._

**KIBA: **You stick to that woman like glue, ever since you've known her. I hardly set eyes on you. I want to spend some time with my blond-curled angel too.

**NARUTO: **Green-eyed?

**KIBA **_laughing_**: **Hell, yeah! I mean, look at you. Fair-haired, the bluest eyes and credulous. If you were a woman, I definitly would have hit on you, sweetie-pie.

_Naruto lands a well-aimed kick towards the bearlike man. _

**KIBA:** Seriously, you guys clinging to much to each other. I tell you, this will not come out well.

**NARUTO: **I can't be a minute without her, Kiba. Satsuki is amazing. She is smart, cute and she is kinda funny. She is just an amazing shot.

**KIBA **_doubtfully_**: **Funny?

**NARUTO **_to the bear_**: **A moment please.

_Naruto leans on the ropes now._

**NARUTO: **Like the one time, where she and I went to the funfair. Satsuki wanted to try the shooting range. - _Naruto laughs - _She was so terrible. The recoil of the gun was to hard for her to handle and she missed badly. So I gave it a try. I missed some shots on purpose but I won a teddy for her. I told her in my cool voice that it was kind of beginner's luck. I think, she felt somehow challenged or something, because she was on fire at the next try and beat me easily. And do you know what she said to me, as I stood there in shock?

**KIBA: **No, I don't know . . .

**NARUTO **_in an awkward female voice_**: **Beginner's luck, I guess.

**KIBA **_unblinking_**: **Funny story, pal.

_Naruto starts fighting again._

**KIBA **_growling_**: ** Well, what does she do for a living anyway?

**NARUTO: **She is in computers, something with big server and stock exchange. This is the best thing about her, she is in there anytime day or night. - _with a throw he floors the bear to the ground - _She is like grandma Tsunade, but instead of gambling and sake, Satsuki is fascinated by computers. Or something like that.

**KIBA: **Where do you go with her to dinner? She wasn't delighted with Ichiraku's, at least that's what I have heard.

**NARUTO: **Into the five-star restaurant with view onto the old Hokage-Monument.

**KIBA **_puzzled_**: **What? Isn't it a bit over the top? I heard you eat there at an exorbitant price. Half of my monthly salary would go on for a menu there.

**NARUTO **_smirking_**: **I want to pop the question tonight.

_Suddenly Naruto gets tackled to the ground by a king-sized teddy, his face pressed on the mat._

**KIBA: **Say what?

**NARUTO**_ breathless_**_: _**I'm going to marry Satsuki.

_Almost defenceless Naruto lies on the ground, while an enraged grizzly hammers on him. Only his arms are his only cover and protect him from the huge claws. Kiba reaches through the ropes and touches brave the bear without fur. _

**KIBA: **Could you stop it for a moment, please, I think he said something stupid.

_After Naruto was released, he rolls to the side of the ring and sits up._

**NARUTO: **I didn't said anything stupid. I'm serious.

_Silence . . . They don't look at each other. Eventually, Kiba nudges Naruto and looks at him with worry in his eyes._

**KIBA:** If she starts asking you about your job and why you are always on a trip, what will you say to her?

**NARUTO: **That's no problem. She travels a lot, like me, plus we never talk about our work. It's like a secret understanding.

_Kiba hands Naruto a towel, with which he wipes the sweat from his face._

**KIBA:** What about the sex?

**NARUTO **_sheepishly_**: **You saw her, didn't you?. It's incredible with her. I never experienced anything like this.

**KIBA **_facetious_**: **You can't fall back on a lot of experience anyway.

_Both grinning._

**NARUTO: **But it is not just about the sex or her body. I look in her eyes and see something so familiar. It's like I know her deepest and darkest secrets and she knows mine. You know? But it doesn't matter how dark the secrets are . . .

_Kiba takes a deep breath and exhales slowly._

**KIBA: **I get it. But aren't you scared to get busted . . . I mean, it's pretty risky stuff.

**NARUTO **_dreamy_**: **Kiba, I'm telling you, when you know you know. You just must listen to your instincts.

**KIBA:** I see. I can't change your mind, there's nothing I can do about it.

_The brunette reaches out to the sweaty blond's hand. Both leaving the ring towards changing rooms. While Naruto takes off his gloves, Kiba puts his arm around Naruto and with his other hand he rumples up the fair hair of Naruto._

**KIBA: **I didn't want to damp spirits. I'm just worrying about you but you know I've got your back. Hundred per cent, you get me?

**NARUTO: **I know Kiba, I know. I'm grateful for your support.

**KIBA **_grinning_**: **I can't help it, my innocent angel with fair-curled hair. We Inuzukas are like that. It runs in our blood.

_Without warning Kiba bottles Naruto up and says with a wagging finger to Naruto._

**KIBA: **And I promise you in front of all gods on this world. If this auntie means mischief, my bare hands will crush her plans until only smoke and ashes remains. - _Kiba eyes Naruto suspiciously - _But if you bore this woman or anger her and she throws you out, don't even think about to come back to me with your trunks in tow, understand? I'm not the welfare.

**NARUTO:** Thanks again for your support . . .


End file.
